finding inspiration

I admit it: I'm a Biggest Loser addict.  I love watching these people get their asses kicked.  I love the looks on their faces when they have a big week. I love it when someone with a viciously bad attitude gets knocked down a peg.  It's all awesome. 

I tend to root for the young twenty-something women (shocking, I know) (Except Conda).  This season I've been pulling for Danni - the poor girl was on her own with Jillian Michaels riding her all day, and she pulled some fantastic numbers.  Plus, she doesn't go down like a Brazilian soccer player anytime she gets a bruise.  

This past week, she made it under 200lbs.  This is something I've been dreaming about for a good 9 years now, and it has always seemed like a pipe dream.  For the first time I can ever remember, getting into "One-derland" is actually a real possibility for me.  Let's ignore the fact I've been playing with the same damn 5 lbs since last July like Napoleon with a tetherball.  I find it insanely inspiring and empowering to see someone I can relate to accomplishing such a huge feat.  That girl started at almost 270lbs! 

If you're having trouble keeping your eating clean or getting your ass out for a walk, try to think of someone you're really inspired by.  I really had zero desire to actually go to boot camp after a long day at work today, but I decided I wanted to get under 200lbs more.  Sitting on my butt tonight might have felt really good in the moment, but that second I step on the scale and I'm in "One-derland"... that's probably going to feel way better and be much more memorable. 

Ugh, was this a cheesy post or what? I'm just a giant marshmallow sometimes.  

Some comic relief.  Or maybe Paula Deen inspires me. 
Kind of like how my teaching job inspires me to practice extra-safe sex.

me likey: My Fitness Pal

If you have been having difficulty tracking calories (as I did), you may want to check out this nifty (neat? swell?) little app.  It's called My Fitness Pal and it's been making my life considerably less difficult this week.  Even better: when you sign in and make a profile, it will let you know what your calorie target for the day is.  

I've been using it for the week and I ended up losing 3 lbs.  Not too shabby! It bases calorie values on a searchable database that you can peruse through and pick from.  Not sure how many calories that mocha was? Oh, it will tell you.  And then you cringe a little and go "Okay...better go for a walk (to China)."

The layout is pretty user-friendly, so even if you suffer from "sausage-fingers" like me, you can make your way through the day with less "I didn't f***ing press that, PHONE." You simply click on the meal/snacks that you want to add to, and you have the option to search a database, choose from foods you've made or you choose most often, or quickly add calories if you don't want to go through the lengthy process of adding an entire entry for whatever it is.  Found a fun little feature - if you start "creating" your foods and adding all of the nutritional values, you can actually check your stats and see how you're doing for grams of fat, carbs, fibre and all that other stuff.  

The Skinny

Pros: User-friendly interface, won't judge you if you go over your calorie limit, can take it anywhere with mobile version for iOS, Android and Blackberry (I know, no one uses Blackberry anymore, but goshdarnit they made it anyway!), can also add exercise to increase your daily calorie limit.

Cons: They might actually have this feature, haven't really looked too hard, but it would be nice if you could add the times of day that you're eating at.  It can be helpful to start looking for patterns ("Hmmm, why do I always eat 9 donuts at 4pm?").  I'm also aware it would add an extra step for calorie tracking and make it slightly more annoying, but maybe if it was an optional feature?

All in all: Get it!

why not start tomorrow (not monday)?

In case you needed some ideas of good habits you could start your week with on Sunday and strive to do all week, here is a little list.  

1. Eat a piece of fruit and some almonds for your morning snack.
2. Drink at least 3L of water each day.
3. Drink green tea instead of coffee.
4. Have a salad with your lunch instead of chips or crackers.
5. Cut out diet pop.
6. Wear something each day that makes you feel fabulous.
7. Take a multivitamin.
8. Don't eat out.
9. Find a new recipe every day to try for supper.
10. Find a yoga video on YouTube and do it.
11. Write a compliment to yourself on a Post-It and put it on your mirror.  
12. Have something with protein at every meal/snack. (Try cottage cheese and hard-boiled eggs!)
13. Eat every 2-3 hours.
14. Do 5 burpees every morning when you get up.
15. Smile more.

 Feel inspired yet?

cut yourself some slack

Don't start something on a Monday.

I knew this already.  You've got enough on your plate having to go back to work after two glorious days away, yet alone trying to make a major change in your routine.  Try a random Thursday.  Just not a Monday.

I was going to commit to counting my calories this week.  It didn't really happen.  I did make more of a conscious effort regarding my snacks being mostly fruit and salads for lunch.  Did I write everything down? No.  (Did I write anything down? No.)  Is it okay? Yes.

Cut yourself a damn break.  So you had a glass of wine when you didn't really need it.  So you had dinner out and got the pasta instead of the broiled chicken.  One misstep in your plans, or one day where you eat more than you intended, is not the end of the world and it is not a sentence to a lifetime of failure. 

I had a student whose weekly goal was to have a positive attitude for the week.  She ended up having a pretty unsuccessful week in that regard, and I was trying to have a chat with her and remind her of her goals on Thursday morning.  She says "That went out the effing door on Monday." I asked her if that was any good reason not to try and turn it around at that juncture.  While I did not receive a very positive response from her (okay, I got sworn at and a broken pencil thrown at me), it made me realize that all the baggage of my past failures isn't any good reason that I can't keep trying.  

No one is going to be perfect at eating.  No one is going to be perfect at exercising all the time.  Pick a goal that feels comfortable and manageable for you, like eating fruit for every morning snack this week or drinking 2.5L of water every day, and give it a try.  Imagine how good it would feel to do it.  It may not taste as good as chocolate at the time, but it sure as hell will make you feel better.

What's your mini-goal for the week? Start tomorrow. (Not Monday!)

The Calorie Game

After a particularly frustrating week, where I could have been called Captain Muffintop every single day, I've decided it's time to return to the basics.  What better way to pontificate about the necessity of counting calories than to get back into the groove of it?

The first picture that shows up when you Google "Captain Muffintop." I shit you not.

"But I don't want to count calories. It's hard and it makes me feel bad about food and blah blah blah." 
Too bad.  Losing lbs is a numbers game.  Are you sick of your jeans mocking you when you put them on? Let's do this.

Step 1: Go to this site and put in your info to find out your BMR.  (Mine is 1805.75, just to keep me honest here)

Step 2: Continue on to this page to figure out how many calories you burn on a daily basis. (I'm going to multiply by 1.55 since I do boot camp 3x/week and dodgeball 2x/week, in addition to the stuff I do with my class and any extra workouts I pop in.  This means 1805.75 x 1.55 = 2798.525)

Step 3: Find yourself a notebook or journal that you're not going to get sick of looking at.  Mine is pink.  Alternatively, there are a TON of apps for smartphones that you can plug calories into (I've used MyFitnessPal, it's not too shabby).  I just find it harder to avoid a notebook sitting on my counter than an app I can hide. 

Step 4:  Eat a "normal" day - eat what you'd normally eat (or, if you can remember everything you ate yesterday, go with that) and write it all down.  It's good to get a base of how many calories you're currently eating now.

Step 5: At the end of the day, add up all the calories you ate.  Now, let's have a little comparison to your number from Step 2.  How did you stack up?

Here's the skinny:

If you are looking to maintain your current weight, you should be hitting that number.  This just means the number of calories you expend in a day is the same as the number you're eating.  

If you're looking to gain weight (I wish), you're going to need to eat more calories than that number.  Don't do this without talking to a doctor or someone who knows better.

If, like myself, you are looking to lose weight, you're going to need to eat less calories than that number.  How much less?

A pound of fat is equivalent to 3500 calories.  So if you want to lose one pound in a week, you need to create a calorie deficit of 500 calories a day.  This means if your number was 2800 (like mine), you should eat around 2300 calories.  If you want to lose a couple pounds, you're going to need to create 1000 calorie deficit every day, which means around 1800 calories.  I'm going to aim for about 1600, just because it's a number I've worked with before and I know sometimes I'm a cheater and it may end up closer to 1800 some days anyway.  

This has no calories right? The heart means no calories, I'm sure of it.

Keep in mind, if you're working out, that's creating extra calorie deficit.  There is such a thing as eating too little, and your body is going to start eating muscle.  If your body is starving, it's not going to go for your muffin top (such a selfish bastard) - it's going to go for your arm muscles you've been painstakingly trying to build for the last 2 years.  So don't eat too little.  A cotton ball and a bottle of water isn't lunch.  If you'd like to know how many calories you burn in a workout, I'd suggest a gadget that uses a heart rate monitor to calculate it (it's more accurate).  I have a Polar watch and I really like it.  I just need to get my lazy ass in and get the battery changed right now. 

Step 6:  Start looking for where you can carve out calories.  Do you really need that donut from the staffroom when you've already had a snack?  Do you really need 5 tbsp of sugar in your coffee, or can you try cutting back to 3?  One of my weaknesses is my coffee creamer.  I'm really of the mind that if I'm putting creamer in my coffee, it better taste good.  Maybe my solution is drinking less coffee. Stay tuned to find out how many people feel my wrath this week due to lack of caffeine.

Oh, you want to know how many calories are in the foods you eat? Check the box or ask the Google.

Priorities.

 

 

i hate the gym

There's a reason I gained weight in the first place - I'm a pretty lazy person.  Given the choice between a long walk on the beach, and sitting on my ass on the beach with a good book, I'm probably going to choose the sitting option.  This is why I made the promise to myself that I would always say I'd go if someone asked me to do something active.

I joined a gym once.  I was really motivated at the time, doing Weight Watchers and trying not to be the biggest I'd ever been anymore.  I even went to spin classes there (if you want a killer leg workout, fill your boots).  It didn't take long before it stopped being a novelty to go to the gym and work out.  I often hid in the "ladies only" section and avoided eye contact with all the women who couldn't have found a spare pound even if they had a goddamn ice cream baby.

A friend of mine (who actually worked at the gym and signed me up for the gym) asked me if I wanted to join boot camp.  All of a sudden, I didn't have to think "What do I feel like doing now?" while looking at all the gym equipment as if it was coated in syphilis.  Someone was telling me what I was going to do next, make sure I was getting a well-rounded workout, and then kicking my ass if they saw me slacking.  I loved it (and still do). 

A little while later, a friend asked if I'd like to join her dodgeball team.  (I had many visions of getting pegged in the face in the weeks preceding the start of the season or embarrassing myself horribly with my jiggling arms). You can get a surprisingly hard workout when running around a half of a gym avoiding large balls (ha).  I've now played on 3 different teams, including an all-girls team of awesome bitches, and I play two nights a week under the nickname "Crusher." If you'd asked me 2 years ago if this would be my life, I would have laughed and keep eating the cupcake in my hand.

I'm also a golf pro. No big deal.

The point of all of this is, you don't have to "go to the gym" to get a good workout.  In fact, I would avoid the gym and find something else that will keep you interested and encouraged.  I've tried a bunch of weird things over the last few years, including Zumba (the perfectionist in me did not take well to that), CrossFit (holy fuck), and 5 mile night runs (in the snow, no less).  You would be shocked what you can subject your body to and it will actually enjoy.  If you're lazy, like me, try something that has a social aspect (yoga with a friend, running buddies, dog training classes, pole dancing) to give you something to look forward to.

Up next for me - hot yoga?

"diet" shit and pacing yourself

Let's have a little chat about food with "diet" labels.

I know.  You're saving calories and fat, right? In a day where you've already eaten a bunch and you want something sweet, a can of Diet Pepsi looks like a goddamn miracle.  I've been there. I used to buy cases of it and stock it in the basement for when I wanted "dessert."

Last year for New Year's I decided I didn't want to drink diet pop as much anymore.  I didn't say "I'm not going to drink diet pop anymore." I said "Let's try it out and see what happens." There has been a giant debate over aspartame and artificial sweeteners - "What are they doing to us?!" and "They could cause cancer! We can't know yet!", blah blah blah.  I've also heard that artificial sweeteners cause you to retain weight in your midsection (aka a "Diet Gut"?) but I don't really remember where I heard it and if it was a credible source.  At any rate, I didn't have much to lose. I'm kind of one of those "Try anything once" kind of people.

I started small - I just stopped buying cases of it to keep in the house.  If we went out to dinner or a movie, I still got a diet pop. My husband inherited a habit from his parents of drinking 100% juice cut with sparkling water, and I started drinking that to get my "fizzy" fill (not that I really needed it, but it's a little more interesting than watered down juice or regular juice, for that matter).

I'm not sure when it happened, but I started to taste something in my occasional Diet Pepsi.  Don't say "Bullshit!", you're keeping an open mind here.  I know some people who say "You can't taste aspartame, it's all in your head." No, friend, it's not.  Aspartame and artificial sweeteners do have a bitter, chalky, nasty aftertaste.  Also, they are sickeningly sweet.  I made a fatal and depressing error and purchased "reduced sugar" coffee creamer last week.  Ruined a large coffee and my morning. 

I think if you drink things with artificial sweeteners often enough, you don't taste "the taste." But I dare you to go off anything with aspartame, Spenda, sucralose, or any other artificial sweetener for a month, and then try it again.  "Why the hell would I do that?" you ask?

A helpful Venn diagram for you.

If you're going to have something, like...a chocolate bar.  Do you want the waxy, off-brand shit from the dollar store or do you want a really nice piece of heaven with real cocoa and a little hint of sweetness?  Most people want the real deal.  There's a lot of shit floating around in our food and drink these days, and we are facing a really depressing situation in society right now where it seems like everything is fake and hyped up and made to suck you in and buy, and everyone is getting fat because of it. I was one of them, so I can say it.  

If you stopped eating artificial things, I think you might find you feel a lot better.  Don't cut everything at once - you will resent food and me and start sending me threats that I don't really have time for because I get enough of it from my students.  Pick one thing, like diet pop, or french fries, or something, and start cutting back.  Make a little game for yourself - how long can I go without?  You might surprise yourself.

P.S. I'm still working on cutting out things.  I "give" myself salad dressing, coffee creamer and movie popcorn (it's sprinkled with crack, I'm sure of it). Cut yourself some slack and start small.  

What do think you could try to live with less of?