new year's resolutions are stupid (not another "how to keep your resolutions" article)

I meant to write this post earlier. I don't like blogging when I'm in a crappy mood, though the case could be made that that is exactly the time I should be blogging. I don't want to come off sounding like a giant wanker though. So here it is: a New Year's resolution post in the middle of February.  Probably a good thing I didn't make a resolution to blog more.

I didn't make any resolutions.

Resolutions are a waste of time.

Why do gyms have all these New Year's sales? Do you know why SportChek suddenly starts sending out flyers for "all your workout needs"?  They are preying on the Resolutioners - the people who say "That's it! This year, I'm going to get in shape and lose X lbs!"

It can be alluring, the promise of a "new year, new you!"  Visions of eating everything that came into sight during the holiday seasons are still haunting you.  I'm not judging you - I walked into a WW meeting the first week of January myself, hungry for a change and feeling like shit about myself.  I just think there's a better way.

Stats are sketchy, but let's be real - how many times have you "resolved" something on New Year's and given up with a month or two? How has this resolution thing worked out for most people?  And really - how do people feel about themselves when they realize they have failed miserably? "This year is ruined!" 

 

 

"Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Aren't resolutions just glorified wishes?  "This year, it would be super cool if I could wear a bikini at the beach this summer!" What if you could actually set a goal and achieve it? Wouldn't that feel better than becoming a statistic? (Why is this post filled with so many questions? Did I just ask another one? And another one?!)

Here's the thing about goals: you don't have to wait until next January to make one. Or a bunch. You can make one for just today.  ("From now until midnight, I will eat less than 5 handfuls of chocolate chips.") And another one for just tomorrow.  ("My goal for tomorrow is to drink a cup of green tea whenever I am mad at something.") Bam. Done. I make goals for a living. (Pretty much. I'm serious) Don't worry if you're goal-making skills are a little rusty. Here are some tips for making some goals for yourself:

•  Start small. Set a bar you can actually reach so you can get a little momentum.  If you normally eat an entire jar of Nutella every day, aim for 3/4 of the jar tomorrow?
• Slowly raise the bar.  You'll know when it's time to up the ante.
• Celebrate your success. You made it a week without putting sugar in your coffee, and it was hard, dammit! You deserve a prezzie. 
• Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't happen. It's just a chance to tweak your expectations and focus your efforts. Maybe this isn't the best week to give up ice cream and chocolate.

So now's your chance, muffin! Whatever happened in the last forty-two days, fuggedaboudit. Right now, you have the opportunity to start something pretty radical.  When I started plugging away five years ago, I didn't know I'd be here.  Success is the sum of a bunch of small efforts. Stop rolling your eyes. You know I'm right.  Go make some damn goals. This is your sign.

Side note: I started another challenge through my gym.  Be scared. 

embracing the breakdown

I remember the one and only time I cried at boot camp rather vividly.  I had missed a class the week before and was trying to make it up - four classes in five days for a relatively unfit girl.  I don't even really remember what I had been asked to do.  All I know is my body said "Yeah...about that.  I'm just going to make you cry instead. Cool?" It was humiliating, of course.  Michelle came over and said something pretty baffling: "This is a good thing."

Fast forward a few years, and I'm sitting on my couch, sobbing to my husband, "I don't want to get fat again."

Ah, the meltdown.  Your body's way of sending you a pretty strong message: Something has to change.  I've been switched from "losing weight" brain to "becoming strong" brain for a while now.  That's the funny thing about losing weight though - if you aren't thinking about it, it might stop happening.  Or the opposite might happen.  

I think I knew I was off-track.  The pants were a little tighter, I got sick (and I rarely get sick), and I just didn't feel that great about myself.  It was only a matter of time before the floodgates opened.  

Here's the thing about those breakdowns, though - they are exactly what we need.  It's that message you can't ignore, that signal that you have to stop whatever the hell you're doing (that you know you shouldn't be doing but you've been doing anyway), that brick wall that you smack into.  "Enough is enough, get your shit together."

I started this blog almost a year ago knowing that these days would come.  These days when I would lose sight of the end goal and get caught up in mini-cupcakes and "I'm not feeling good." Where is the girl full of piss 'n' vinegar? She's in there somewhere.

Clearly I'm not "fixed." I don't really know if I'll ever be, or if I need to be.  We all have our struggles and this happens to be one of mine.  I keep telling myself this is what "normal people" do - they see their weight change and they work out a little more and stop buying the ice cream and they're fine.  I guess it just feels like more to someone who's seen the snowball roll down the side of Everest.  

I was avoiding a post. I felt ashamed of my progress (or lack thereof) and I didn't want to admit it. But now I am.  And it's okay - I've had the meltdown, I've had the ugly crying fit, and it's time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  And no, I'm not waiting until January. Why the hell would I put off something this important to me? 

Not pictured: Big girl panties.
(From Greatist.)

drinking the kool-aid

I bought the pants.  

You know. The pants. 

No, I didn't hit my weight goal by my birthday. I don't care.  I bought the pants, and I feel like a million-effin'-dollars in them.  They don't represent a number on a scale.  These magic pants represent the fact that I no longer beat myself up if I haven't hit a number on a scale.  Also, they represent that I can fit a size 6 at lulu lemon.  I'm pretty sure they were stitched by magical gnomes for my ass.  Love.

Last night was a bit of a sad night.  It was my last night of boot camp.  The fantastic Michelle has gone and gotten herself knocked up again.  I can't really blame her - if I had a choice to stay home and grow a little human in me vs. standing outside in the cold and yelling at people to do ten more squats while growing the same little human, I'd probably choose the "at home" version of that game show as well.  Three and a half-ish years of this woman kicking my ass has taught me a lot.  It has also given me a pretty good leg-up in my next venture.

Hell yeah.

Due to some scheduling conflicts, I have actually been doing CrossFit three times a week for the last three weeks.  Plus boot camp three times a week.  Plus dodgeball.  It's too much.  I would not recommend doing all that.  Especially if you're going to slack off in the stretching department like me.  (For the love of god, stretch after you work out.  Unless you like walking like a 94-year-old.  In that case, fill your boots.)

If you aren't familiar with CrossFit, here is the rundown:

•  You do a warm-up - stuff like "double-unders" (skipping with the rope going under you twice when you jump)
• Some dynamic stretching (warming up muscles while moving - walking lunges, bear crawling on the floor)
• Practicing form (I'm in a "Foundations" class where we're learning all the basics of CrossFit and power-lifting)
• A WOD (Workout of the Day) - 5-15 minutes of an intense workout incorporating power moves and cardio

It is AWESOME.  Even on the days I don't really feel like going, I feel like a total bad-ass whenever I walk out of the box. Plus, you get to say things like "I like the snatch." 

While I walked in with a pretty good level of fitness, you do not need to be in stellar shape to go.  There are people of all walks of life in there and they are not judging anyone.  I have found everyone to be really helpful and encouraging, and they do not make you feel like an ass because you can't get your arm positioning right when doing a thruster (Who needs their arms to thrust?! Heyooooooooooo!).  

No, you are not going to turn into a beefy body builder if you go (unless you want to).  I actually saw a woman who looked like she was about to give birth on the floor doing kipping pull-ups like they were her job.  Just like any exercise program, you get out what you put in.  

So this is what I've been jacked about lately.  If you're intrigued by it, you should go give it a try! They also make you drink this cup of something when you go and then ask you if you want to take the red pill or the blue pill.

Just kidding, there were no pills.

Plus there's all these acronyms and jargon that make you
sound like you know what you're talking about.

 

success is a tricky bastard

I just realized I didn't update y'all on the 6-Week Challenge Part Deux.  I didn't really chronicle my progress all that well either.  It was kind of a bust.  Oh well.

As of last Saturday, I was 3.4lbs than when I started.  I juggled the same 4 or 5 lbs up and down, and landed pretty much where I began from.  I tried some things, played around with protein, stopped religiously tracking my caloric intake.  One week I gained almost 6lbs.  As I stood there on the scale, blinking in disbelief, I thought about what I was feeling.  Anger? (A little.) Disappointment? (Yes.) Confusion? (Who's talking?)  And then it passed.  Really quickly.  I shrugged, and didn't really give it much more thought.  

Why do you care what a scale says if you know
you've done better than it's letting on? It's
a fickle bitch.  Throw it away. 

I have had a bit of epiphany.  A scale no longer represents the best indicator of my progress.  And that, my friends, is why success is a tricky bastard.  Six weeks ago, I was floundering and unhappy.  Every pound was a battle and every gain was devastating.  I measure my success in new ways now.

Now I can heft 12lb dumbbells at boot camp.  Now I can fit into my little sister's "hand-me-ups." Now I can walk into a CrossFit gym and not only feel like I fit in, but feel like I can nail whatever they throw at me.  Now I can run a 5K in under 26 minutes.  Now I can see that I'm not just a number on a scale.

I'm pretty awesome.  That scale is a bitch anyways.  It was always jealous.

So I have a new challenge for myself.  It might be a tough one, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'm going to put my scale away, and I'm not going to touch it for 6 weeks.  Every week, I am going to find a new way to measure my success. And I'm going to buy the pants, because I've earned them dammit.  

I think this might be my greatest success - my life is no longer devoted to "losing weight" but to "living healthy."  And "getting jacked."  And "finding the perfect pumpkin spice latte."  Shut up, I can stop any time. 

doin' it "the old fashioned way"

I recently saw a story on the morning news about a guy that lost weight "the old fashioned way."  Old fashioned being "exercising more and eating less crap."  Seriously? This is news now?

Maybe it's not the fact that he managed to lose weight while burning more calories than he ate ("Man Does Not Defy Science! More at 11!") but the fact that he didn't have to resort to a fancy fad or trendy cleanse in order to shed some poundage.  I find it kind of sad that this is what makes the news.

How many commercials have you seen that have "results not typical" at the bottom of the screen? How the hell are so many people being conned into these cash grabs if they are more likely to fail than succeed?  And further, why are seeing big weight losses not considered a "typical" result of these programs? Isn't that what they're trying to sell you?  (I know there's legal shit surrounding why they have to put this, but still.)  You are better than that.  You can do way better.

Here are some of my opinions that I'm going to state in a bulleted form so they look more factual:

• Be wary of fads and cleanses that involve effing with your hormones or with super low calorie allowances - if it sounds fucked up, it probably is.
• Cleanses and diet programs might seem easy, and they might actually give you some short term results, but examine how sustainable it is.  If you have to survive off a drink made from cinnamon and sriracha in order to keep the weight off, how realistic is it? (Also, don't try that. I just made it up. It's that easy to make this shit up.)
• Any little (or big) changes you make in terms of food and exercise will likely cause some sort of change in your weight. If you suddenly switch to black coffee from your venti coffee-flavored-sugar-milk, chances are you're going to see some positive change on the scale (cutting calories = cutting pounds. It's math. Or something.)

I'm sorry, PSL. I didn't mean it. 

If you've been eyeing up a cleanse to try or a diet but you're having trouble committing to it, take some time to think about why that might be.  I don't think you consider a diet without wanting to lose weight, so this isn't really a desire issue.  Maybe you're just not ready to commit to a month of 500 calories a day and shots of horse urine in between your toes. (Also made that up. Maybe.)  Maybe you're not ready to give up your beloved flavored coffee creamers or ranchy ranch salad dressing. Maybe you're not ready for what losing weight will actually mean to you. If the thought of having to eat carrots and celery for every meal is putting you off, it's probably for a reason.  If you are having an emotional attachment to a food and you don't want to stop eating it, that's also probably for a reason.  Ultimately, you have to be okay with the changes you're making or they won't stick.  Period.

Okay, it's cheerleader pep talk time.  You can make little changes to make big differences.  You can do this as a process instead of cold turkey.  I don't know how many times I've said "Okay, I'm going back to coffee on weekends only, starting...next week. Maybe."  (I can stop anytime. Shut up.) Pick something you can commit to and do it.  Right now. Pick something.  

This will be hard, in the beginning.  Change isn't easy. But please don't think that doing a quick cleanse or joining a fad program is going to be any easier than making some legit changes in your routine.  I won't say the old "If I can do it, so can you!" but honestly, if you had met me in my prime of unhealthy living, you would never have believed I was capable of what I'm doing now. I know I wouldn't have.  Some days I still have trouble recognizing the girl in the mirror.  Who is that? Why is she wearing such small clothes and flexing her rippling biceps? (Well this got awkward. Sorry.)

You know the drill - I'm here for you. 

wired for struggle

Hello my dears.  

I know. WTF.  She primes everyone with this big challenge and all this talk of amusing posts, and then she disappears for a month.  What's that about?

It's been a weird month.  I started a few posts, but they weren't really floating my boat.  Today seemed like a day that needed a post, so here I am.

A strange thing happens when you declare a goal.  Sometimes it motivates you, and sometimes you start to crumble under the pressure.  I wanted to do it.  I wanted to be that girl that says "Just you watch, I'm going to amaze you" and exceeds all expectations.  I guess sometimes we're not ready for it though.  

I found this.

From TWLOHA.

I've changed, but I'm still the same person.  Does that make sense?  I still shy away from attention, and balk at compliments, and feel like I have a lot of misgivings to make up for, and  I have the confidence of a penguin trying to put on a band-aid.  When does a "fat girl" stop being a fat girl? It sure as hell isn't when she has lost weight.  

So I'd made a little progress on my goal, but it's not going to happen.  It's okay.  Progress comes in different ways, sometimes.  One of my current hurdles is changing my brain from "losing weight" to "becoming an athlete." I no longer just want to be slim. I want to be jacked. 

Like this! Just kidding. Maybe.
(via Muscle & Fitness Hers)

Mission number 1 was to up my protein (more protein = more muscle = more fat burned, yay!).  It may have played with my weight a little this week, which stung when I stepped on the scale this morning.  It's okay.  We're moving towards bigger and better things.  

So I'll be posting more. I've been playing with new things and I'd like to share! Hope you're doing well, you fabulous bitches. 

some days, we're just doing it for the shoes

So I think there are maybe three of us that are going to do this challenge.  There might be more of you lurking out there. That's cool. Fill your boots.  Not going to lie, I was going to do it anyway even if no one did it with me.  I do what I want.

Let's talk about goals, and what is realistic.  Be realistic.  You aren't going to lose 30lbs in 7 weeks. If you do, we need to have a different chat, sweetie, because that's not good.  Personally, I'm going to try and get rid of my "last" 17.2lbs.  I think it's a little less, but whatever.  Close enough.  The best way to tackle whatever you goal is is to chunk it down into smaller pieces that are more manageable.  I've wanted to lose 17lbs for a while. Clearly wishing it would happen has not brought the Weight Loss Fairy around (she's a feisty one).  So I'm going to take the Jillian Michaels approach and make a goal pyramid.  Fine, I'll make it look pretty too. 

Anyways, that took way longer than I anticipated.  Yours does not have to be pretty. It just has to be meaningful to you.  If you want help, let me know!

And while we're talking about goals, let's talk about what happens when you achieve them.  Sure, you get the satisfaction of knowing you worked hard for something and you accomplished what you set out to do.  That can be fantastic.  But so can shoes.  

I would highly encourage you to think about how you are going to reward yourself for climbing this mountain for the next seven weeks.  It could be clothes (a fancypants new outfit? Possibly including fancy pants?), shoes, books, going to a movie, whatever is going to excite you.  Is there a giant teacup at Urban Barn that you can't live without?  Is there a pair of Toms that keeps coming to you in dreams and calling your name?  If I'm in the middle of breaking a big plateau, sometimes my rewards are extremely outlandish for the size of the goal.  One week, I said I'd buy a pair of black ballet flats if I lost anything.  And I did, so I did.  

A few weeks ago I posted about what keeps you going when the thrill of working out just isn't cutting it.  I'm not going to lie - sometimes, I was just doing it for the shoes.  If you need short term satisfaction, consider little things like nail polish, books, the last issue of Oxygen (tear).  You know you best.  Figure out what little things you can do for yourself and help you look forward to the scale (or whatever measurement of success you're using) instead of dreading it.

This is going in bold because it's very important.  Do not, please, for the love of coffee (YOU KNOW I'M SERIOUS HERE), use food as a reward for yourself.

I remember during one of my (several) tries with WW when I would look forward to weigh-in days because then I could go get fast food for dinner and eat all the ice cream I wanted afterwards. I'd worked hard all week, I earned it.  This is such a bad habit, and I've broken it (luckily).  You should not be rewarding yourself for making good habits by slipping back into the "old ways." What's the message here?  You haven't really changed if you're still bingeing on the crap that got you where you are. If I want a white chocolate mocha with raspberry from Starbucks, I make sure I've allotted 350 calories (I know!) for it and I enjoy it.  But it's because I want it, not because "I've earned it from all this working out I've been doing."  If you're going to go out for dinner, go out for dinner, decide what you want to eat and if you really want the pasta (you can make better at home, just sayin'), and enjoy yourself.  

Imagine this: You've worked out four times this week, you ate fantastically, and your pants are a little looser.  You stepped on the scale and you lost 2lbs.  You are feeling awesome.  Now you go downstairs to your freezer, get out the pint of ice cream that you've been saving for a special time when you deserve a treat, and you polish it off.  That could easily be 1000 calories, probably more.  And it's loaded with sugar and processed crap.  How do you feel now?  Better yet, was it worth it?  For me, never was.  I've moved on to better things.

Are you curious what my 7-week, "happy birthday to me," "I've finally hit my effing goal!" present to myself will be?  

 

I'm thinkin' these bad boys.  With Missy Peregrym's abs, I'll be unstoppable.  Or just really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

So if you're doing the challenge with me, awesome.  Let's do it.  If you're not, it's all good.  Sometimes we're just not ready for this shit.  If you want to send me goals, or bounce thoughts off me, or whatever, you know the drill.

Also, it starts tomorrow. 

xo