Saturday, August 17, 2013

wired for struggle

Hello my dears.  

I know. WTF.  She primes everyone with this big challenge and all this talk of amusing posts, and then she disappears for a month.  What's that about?

It's been a weird month.  I started a few posts, but they weren't really floating my boat.  Today seemed like a day that needed a post, so here I am.

A strange thing happens when you declare a goal.  Sometimes it motivates you, and sometimes you start to crumble under the pressure.  I wanted to do it.  I wanted to be that girl that says "Just you watch, I'm going to amaze you" and exceeds all expectations.  I guess sometimes we're not ready for it though.  

I found this.

I've changed, but I'm still the same person.  Does that make sense?  I still shy away from attention, and balk at compliments, and feel like I have a lot of misgivings to make up for, and  I have the confidence of a penguin trying to put on a band-aid.  When does a "fat girl" stop being a fat girl? It sure as hell isn't when she has lost weight.  

So I'd made a little progress on my goal, but it's not going to happen.  It's okay.  Progress comes in different ways, sometimes.  One of my current hurdles is changing my brain from "losing weight" to "becoming an athlete." I no longer just want to be slim. I want to be jacked. 

Like this! Just kidding. Maybe.
(via Muscle & Fitness Hers)
Mission number 1 was to up my protein (more protein = more muscle = more fat burned, yay!).  It may have played with my weight a little this week, which stung when I stepped on the scale this morning.  It's okay.  We're moving towards bigger and better things.  

So I'll be posting more. I've been playing with new things and I'd like to share! Hope you're doing well, you fabulous bitches.