one-derland

I don't think there's anything that can prepare you for the feeling you have when you reach a goal.  I'm not talking about the little ones, like not having sugar in your coffee for a week or getting your ass on the treadmill in the morning (although those are worth celebrating).  I'm talking about something you've hungered for, dreamed about, and wished you could have for so long that it felt unreachable.

For the first time in nearly ten years, I am under 200lbs.

Maybe you haven't known me that long, and you've caught me in the middle of the battle.  This is something that I'm proud of, but I'm ashamed of.  I was not always this person.

Four years ago, I weighed over 300lbs.  Three hundred and thirty (point 6) if we're going to be exact about things.  It really bothers me to think about that now.  I think that's where the shame part comes in.  How could I have let myself get to that point?

But I don't want to dwell on that.  I want to think about how hard I've been working to make sure I'm never that person again.  So you might have noticed some changes in me over the last few years.  It's been a long, slow, exhausting, rewarding, inspiring battle, and I have never felt more proud or excited about anything in my life. I have lost 135lbs. And counting.

Sometimes I still can't believe it.  I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or store window and go "Who is that girl?"  Or I find myself buying a pair of size medium pants and say "I never thought I'd get here."  It's in these moments that I am grateful for my experiences I've had with my weight - I will never take my health or self-esteem for granted again.

I just wanted to share how damn excited I am that I've done this, and let you know that I'm there for you if you want anything - advice, encouragement, reminders, commiseration, or a good laugh.