falling off the damn wagon (and hauling yourself back on)

Oh, it was a rough couple of weeks.  You know the kind - when everything needs to be in your mouth right now and it all tastes amazing and dammit, now I've gained 5lbs. Hello, delicious shame spiral.  We meet again.

I was feeling all sorts of things - some anger, some guilt.  Mostly, I was feeling kind of apathetic towards things, which made me even angrier (and I get punchy when I'm mad).  I had just put so much work into myself, and I was letting it go for no damn reason.  Sometimes I would randomly ask myself out loud "What the hell is the matter with you? What's going on?" (Don't worry, I didn't answer out loud.  The crazy comes and goes.)

I made a few decisions for myself, because I saw where it was going and knew I couldn't go there again.  I had just gone six weeks without coffee during the week (except for that one day).  Why did I suddenly feel like it was a good idea to go back to having it? And why was I eating everything in sight and pretending it had no calories?  I didn't really have a good answer. 

 "Bitch, I could stop drinking coffee any time I want to. Don't judge me."

(Picture from this brilliant woman.)

How do you pull yourself out of the hole you're digging? How do you say "Okay, now it's enough.  Time to move on."?

My super-cheesy reasoning is going to sound hollow and kind of useless, but hear me out.

Your past is your past for a reason - and I really think your experiences are just lessons (like that time I thought it would be a good idea to chase tequila with $4 red wine. Lesson learned.) Clearly I was not "getting" what was going on.  

I decided to have a re-commitment week this week. I was extremely vigilant with the food tracking, I didn't touch that crack granola I've been making, and I resolved to get more exercise in in the morning.  And I felt a whole hell of a lot better for it.  I like the feeling of being able to control what's happening with my body.  Losing 3.8lbs doesn't hurt either.

At the end of the day, I think I just needed that little wake-up call to show me how quickly I could gain it back if I don't make my goals a priority.   I'm going to need your help, muffins.

I'm now 18.2lbs away from my unofficial "goal weight."  Help keep me honest.  I'm going to post my new weight every Saturday morning - up or down.   

Do you have a goal you want to reach?  Can we do this together? Let's make each other accountable.  Get in touch with me and we'll do this shit up all proper-like.

This week I'm going to:

• Get in at least 2 extra workouts
• Track my food
• Smile more
• Reward myself if I've lost at least 2lbs on Saturday

 Side question: Are you guys interested in more food-focused posts? Like examples of meal plans and things I like to eat that are healthy and mouthgasmic? Email me and let me know!